What's faster than thinking?
Four more weeks in 2020! In some ways, I wish I could hop in a time machine to 2022, but I’m also trying to remain grateful for all the blessings in my life and not rush life by. One part of humans that is both a blessing and a curse in my humble opinion is our INSTINCTS.
Even though we live in modern society, we still have prehistoric brains that respond with instincts before logic. This is because our instincts work faster - way faster - than the thinking parts of our brains.
What exactly is an instinct? An instinct is an inherited tendency to make a specific response without thinking, usually to protect us physically. Just like lightning flashes before we hear thunder, instincts fire before rational thought.
Translating this to practical terms – we cannot out-think our instincts, because instincts don’t originate in the thinking part of our brains. Kind of a relief, if you ask me, because then I don’t have to beat myself up when I realize a part of me wants to run away from difficult emotional situations. Every. Single. Time.
How do we resolve this dilemma, so our outdated instincts don’t trip us up? The first step is to accept that our minds filter the world through this lens of survival and protection. The second step is to tame our instincts because we’ll never fully eliminate them.
Below I highlight three prehistoric instincts that are still alive in us today and an idea to tame each one if it is no longer serving you:
Instinct #1: “I cannot survive alone!” Humans evolved in tribes and still feel safer in a group when threatened. Perhaps this is one reason why social isolation as a result of the pandemic is so difficult on an emotional level. Tame it: Build a habit of staying in touch with your extended family, friends, community. Each day, connect with at least one person in your “tribe”.
Instinct #2: “There is not enough!” Humans evolved in a time of scarce resources. This results in a tendency towards a scarcity mindset when stressed. We’ve all read about instances at work when people act unethically to get ahead. When someone is deeply in the scarcity mindset and feeling like there’s not enough money, praise, resources to go around, instinct can take over and rational behavior can go out the window. Tame it: When you catch yourself feeling unsatisfied with what you have, don’t go on autopilot. Stop complaining and refer back to your “why” (if you are familiar with Simon Sinek’s work) or your values. Focus on how you are living your truest values instead of maintaining a scarcity mindset.
Instinct #3: “React now!” The primitive brain prioritizes dealing with the immediate situation, not long-term growth and learning. Can you see this tendency in people who focus on transactional day-to-day tasks, but ignore longer-term planning? Or perhaps in yourself at times when you are dealing with urgent but not really important tasks? Tame it: At the end of each week, take some time to reflect. Look for patterns and plan for the upcoming week—not just tasks but also how you want to feel, how you want to spend your time, what will bring meaning to you in the upcoming week.
To read about 3 additional instincts, click here.
I do hope that reading about these instincts increases your self-compassion if you have been beating yourself up (as I am prone to do) about certain recurring behaviors. Knowing that instincts and biology play a part doesn’t let you off the hook, but may take some shame out of it and allow you to plan around the instinct that is firing and hijacking interactions and more thoughtful responses.
Take good care,
Bijal
December 2020 offer: Last chance to sign up for coaching at my 2020 rates, as I will be raising my rates in January. If you would like to lock in the current rate but do not need coaching this month, you can purchase a 6 or 12 session coaching package at $150/session and use it at any time in 2021.
The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.
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Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC
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