Caveman to modern human?
Halloween is coming up, and my younger son is a bit down about not being allowed to go trick or treating. Somehow trick or treating at home with his family is not the same! Speaking of Halloween and wearing costumes, I’ve been thinking lately about how we already wear masks in our everyday lives. Just like masks hide our faces, our societal upbringing masks the truth that we are still cavemen and cavewomen living in a modern-day society.
We are driven by some basic needs and instincts that have been hardwired into our brains. For instance, the primal drive of survival will supersede thriving or happiness any day of the week. Unlike our computer software, we cannot just change the code - not that I could change the code on any software anyway!
As I share with my coaching clients, stop fighting these basic instincts and instead use them as a stepping stone to reach your goals or change behaviors. I remember growing up and going to the bowling alley after school some days. No matter how hard I tried, my ball would always veer left. Eventually, I realized I could just release the ball about 6 inches to the right. Then when the ball veered left, it was right at the middle of the pins. In a similar way, you can adjust your behavior knowing your caveman tendencies.
Below I share some of the basic primal tendencies I have learned or observed as an organizational psychologist and coach.
1. Survival trumps happiness. Mother Nature wants her species to survive. She doesn’t care if they are happy, just that they don’t die. If left to its default operating system, your brain will choose the option that ensures survival. In modern society you don’t really need to worry about surviving, and yet you are still not focused on thriving by default. You have to be deliberate about it.
2. Default mode network: This is psychologists’ term for mental chatter. You are primed to plan, worry, jump from one thought to another. That’s our DEFAULT. No wonder it’s so hard to follow meditation instructions to clear your mind (BTW – we can never clear our minds, so choose a different meditation.)
3. In order to feel safe, we will do and choose the SAME. You are wired to feel uncomfortable trying something outside of your comfort zone. Your brain is unconsciously thinking, “Hey, if we are alive now, it must have worked so let’s keep doing it.” This is why people will sometimes stay in a job they are not happy with, instead of taking the leap with a new job.
4. Negativity bias: Your brain will notice what is wrong. This is another survival tendency that served humanity well living on the savannah, but is not serving you in modern-day society. Negatives will stick like Velcro, and positives will slide away like Teflon. That’s just the way humans are wired. You may have had 100 things go right in your day, but one email or conversation will throw you into a tailspin. BUT you can intentionally focus your brain on the good by prompting yourself.
Do any of these resonate? How might you use them as a stepping stone to bring more thriving and flourishing to your life? I bring in these and more primal tendencies into every coaching conversation where it will serve the client. Reach out if I can help you or someone in your world make life easier.
Take good care,
Bijal
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Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC
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