Expose your blind spots
We all have blind spots. No one would question the existence of blind spots when driving. Yet people are often oblivious or in denial about their blind spots in relationships, conversations, even projects and tasks.
Blind spots are how you are DECEIVING yourself. You may say you want one thing, but in the moment, your actions do not reflect this wish. Like my client who said she doesn’t have enough time to “get it all done”...but spends an hour in the morning and more than an hour at night on social media and watching the news. Or the client who wants to lose weight...but never makes time for movement or eating healthy. I’m the first person to say adults are free to live their lives in any way they want as long as it doesn’t harm others but make it a deliberate choice.
Avoid the emotional dissonance that comes up when you say you want one thing, but your actions don’t reflect it. That can lead to frustration, anger, disappointment, resignation. Maybe you can relate to one or more of those emotions. One reason for this dissonance is your blind spots. It’s like a part of your brain doesn’t want anything to change, so it hides these SABOTAGING BEHAVIORS, habits, beliefs, and ways of being from your awareness.
What’s scary is that generally everyone around you knows your blind spots – everyone that is, EXCEPT YOU!
That’s why the most direct route to finding your blind spots is to ASK PEOPLE WHAT YOUR BLINDSPOTS ARE. Yes you will feel vulnerable, and yes that conversation will take courage. What’s ironic is that people will probably respect you more for inquiring, but in the words of Brené Brown, “People hate to feel vulnerable themselves, but they easily connect with others who show vulnerability..”
Not many people take a leap of faith and ask others in their world, “I want XYZ but am failing. What is my blind spot about this?” For example, “I want to be more patient, but am still angry all the time. What am I missing?” Know that your initial reaction to the input may be denial or defensiveness. That’s normal, but don’t act on it. Instead respond “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
A skilled coach can be helpful as well to highlight blind spots and patterns when you know something is getting in the way of reaching your goals, but you cannot quite put your finger on it.
Alternatively, you can take a macro view of your life to find the blind spots. What is so dear to you that you are not including in your life? What goal do you have that is getting no love? What are you not facing in your life that needs attention? Your answers will be pointers to your blind spots.
Here are common blind spots I hear from clients: problems making decisions, talking too much, not listening enough, controlling others, rigidity, overly task (vs. relationship) oriented, working excessively to avoid difficult conversations at home, resistance to change, overcommitting, impatience (ok, I’ll confess that’s mine), tendency to be melodramatic, and many more.
Your key takeaway for blind spots: NAME IT TO TAME IT. Naming the blind spot is critical. It’s through awareness that intentional change happens. Followed by planning, mental role playing, and reflection as next steps.
I’ve shared one of my blind spots; now will you be so vulnerable as to share one of yours with me? And if you know me, I’m giving you permission to share a blind spot of mine that I may be overlooking. (Gulp.)
Reach out if I can help you or someone in your world see their blind spots.
Take good care,
Bijal
The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family. If you were forwarded this email, sign up for my newsletter to receive it in your inbox.
Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC
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