Letting go of your false identity
Not to be obvious but one’s IDENTITY is so personal, so UNIQUE to each of us, like our fingerprints. What may NOT be so obvious is that people MAKE CHOICES THAT ALIGN WITH THEIR IDENTITY.
ALL DAY LONG, YOU ARE CONSCIOUSLY AND UNCONSCIOUSLY MAKING CHOICES THAT ALIGN WITH YOUR IDENTITY.
What do I mean by that? Let’s say one of your IDENTITIES is being a peacekeeper, for family members, co-workers, friends. Then you likely will not choose behaviors that will provoke people around you. You may hold back your ideas and choices because you may fear how they will land with others. And then that has the unintended consequence of others believing you are a small thinker, when really you have these big bold ideas.
So if you find yourself making poor choices (ahem food, drink, movement, relationships, career, wealth, mindset), CONSIDER YOUR BELIEFS ABOUT YOUR IDENTITY. Are you of two minds related to that area of your life? E.g., “I want to be healthy” AND “I need the quick hit of satisfaction from my afternoon sugar-filled snack.” Those two ideas don’t really align – they are IN CONFLICT. Which will lead to conflict in your life related to that area of your life.
BUT if you can align your identity with the positive outcome you are striving for...VOILA! Now your mind will take that identity as marching orders and align itself up to that GOAL. It doesn’t even matter if it is 100% true yet. For example, with food, it’s less strenuous on your willpower to refuse that brownie if your identity is “I am a healthy eater.”
To break it down, here are the steps:
1. Identify where there are BEHAVIORS in your life you wish to change. “Eat healthier.”
2. To resolve that conflict, consider what you want your IDENTITY to be as it relates to that behavior. “I am a healthy eater.”
3. Then BUILD YOUR BELIEFS AROUND THAT IDENTITY. Literally state your beliefs to yourself. This will send direct marching orders to your mind. Your mind will receive that INFORMATION like a blueprint and the actions you want will be easier. E.g.,
- Food close to nature nourishes my body, mind, and soul.
- Big pharma does not care about my health.
- Processed food will harm my health.
- Simple foods are better for me than overly complicated ones where I don’t know what went into the dish.
TAKEAWAY: By deliberately crafting your identity and beliefs, you will be less likely to take mindless actions that are not serving you, and more easily choose those that do. Your mind will automatically ALIGN to uphold your IDENTITY and BELIEFS. Try it. It’s POWERFUL.
Would LOVE to hear about how you might apply the above concept to areas of your life. Drop me a quick note or text. And I’ll continue to keep 3-20 minute slots open on my calendar each week for this community if you want to talk through applying any of the models and concepts I’ve been sharing in these emails.
Take good care,
Bijal
The intent of these emails is to provide different perspectives, ideas, and insights as you navigate the path forward for yourself, your team, your organization, and your family.
October offer: Buy a package of 6 coaching sessions and receive an additional session + my 5-week online course on finding your unique strengths for free. This is a tremendous offer and is open to individuals and teams.
Bijal Choksi, MA, CHPC, ACC
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