Second Arrow

No one is immune to pain. There’s physical pain and there’s psychological pain. For physical pain, we can turn to our doctors and medicine, but we are in charge of how much psychological pain we bring to the situation. Asking “Why me?” or feeling that “This will never end”, and other negative thought patterns will only make us feel worse.

One teaching from a Buddhist parable is “If you get struck by an arrow, do you then shoot another arrow into yourself?”

Tara Brach, an author and meditation teacher, does a great job describing this second arrow: “If we look at the way we move through the day, when something happens, when we have pain in our body, when somebody treats us in a way that feels disrespectful when something goes wrong for someone we love, that’s the first arrow. Our mind and body go into a reactivity that does not help to bring healing. We blame others, we blame ourselves. That’s the second arrow.”

Her framework for NOT shooting yourself with the second arrow: PAUSE, RECOGNIZE, OPEN. Not saying it’s easy. But it helps.

• PAUSE: Okay, let me just sit and be, let me pause. 

• RECOGNIZE: Can I recognize what is going on? Can I recognize what is actually here—the larger space of sound, sensation and feelings? 

  • It can be helpful to focus on a part of the body that is not in pain, even if it’s just a big toe, and be grateful that there’s no pain there.

• OPEN: Can I open to the presence that is here?

  • Instead of reacting, choosing to RESPOND despite the pain, to not create additional pain.

I would add REMEMBER to her framework: remember the struggles and pain you have faced in the past and SURVIVED. Let those experiences fortify your spirit. Remind yourself that you will get through this too.

As Nietzsche’s said: “What does not kill me makes me stronger.”